Irrational Fear
by Hoper
Summary: When Thunderbird Four takes on water, and Gordon's mask is damaged, will he be okay? Will he be able to face what happened to him? Rated T to be safe.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I hope you enjoy this story. The characters and show do not belong to me.**

"How's it going down there, Gordon?" Virgil called through the radio.

"Great; I should be up in twenty or so minutes," Gordon replied.

Gordon and Virgil had been sent out to retrieve an abandoned submarine at the bottom of a deep trench. It had been a relatively quiet day for International Rescue, so when Penelope asked them to find the submarine for her father, they happily agreed. She had explained that the sub had belonged to a friend of her father and contained artifacts from his explorations, and her father wanted to find the sub so that he could give the artifacts to a museum for study.

"These artifact are really cool, Virg," Gordon said. He paused a moment before continuing. "My back's starting to cramp up. When I get up, you think you could give me something so help?"

"Of course. Are you alright, though?" Virgil replied, starting to worry for his younger brother.

"Yeah, I'm fine. It doesn't hurt that bad, and I'll be up soon, so it shouldn't get any worse," Gordon said. However, as he said that, his back seized causing him to jerk the controls of Thunderbird Four. Unfortunately, Gordon was only a few feet from the side of the trench, so the sudden pull on the controls caused him to hit the wall. Gordon could not hold back his scream as the crash made his back hurt even more.

"Gordon?! Are you okay?" Virgil called worriedly.

"I don't know. Give me minute," he replied. Gordon, trying his best to ignore the pain in his back, started checking his systems. Satisfied with his findings, he told Virgil, "Everything looks fine; I'm almost up, so be ready."

"FAB, Gordon. Keep me posted," Virgil said.

Luck was not on Gordon's side because two minutes later his back seized yet again. This time, though, when he hit the trench wall, he also hit his head on the side of Four. Once his head stopped swimming, he noticed a crack in his face plate, and according to his readouts, there was a hole in the hull of Four.

 _I must have hit something sharp,_ he thought to himself.

"Virgil," he called. "We have a situation. I'm taking on water, and my mask is damaged."

Almost immediately, Virgil replied, "Okay, Gordon. How close are you to the surface?"

"Not far, but your cables won't reach me. The trench is too narrow at the top for you to get a lock," Gordon said.

"FAB. If it gets bad, let me know," Virgil said hesitantly.

Gordon continued on his way to the surface, but after another five minutes, the water had reached his knees. All of sudden, Gordon heard loud pop and felt Four shake. Quickly looking at his readouts, he found that the pressure of the water rushing in has caused Four's hull to buckle, letting in even more water.

"Virgil, it's getting bad," Gordon told his brother shakily. "The hole in my hull just got bigger; water's coming in twice as fast."

"Are you okay?" Came Virgil's reply.

"For now, yes. The water is about half way up my torso. I'll be up in just a few more minutes."

"Okay. As soon as you're in the clear, let me know," Virgil said.

"FAB." Gordon felt his chest tighten when the cold water reached just below his shoulders. _This isn't good,_ he thought. _The crack in my mask means that I won't be able to breathe soon. I need to hurry._ He pushed Four to its limit, trying to get her to go faster.

 _Come one, girl. Just a little faster,_ he thought as the water reached his the bottom of his mask. Within a minute, the water started seeping into his helmet. Soon, however, the water started pouring into his helmet because its pressure, like it did to the hull, made the crack into a hole.

 _I'm almost there._ Gordon took a big breath before the water covered his mouth and nose. _Just a little longer._ Gordon saw the opening of the trench. _Gotta tell Virgil._ Gordon opened communications with Two through Four instead of through his helmet so that Virgil could actually see him. As soon as his brother answered, Gordon motioned for Virgil to pull him up.

"FAB, Gordon. I'll have you up in no time. Just hang on."

Gordon nodded, but kept the link open. He did not have to wait long before he felt Two's cables attach themselves to Four. Just as Gordon could barely see what he knew to be Two just above the water, he felt his lungs started to burn.

 _Just a little longer,_ he thought. _Please._ Gordon's lungs, however, could not hold out any longer. He let his breath out, but he refused to breathe in. As Four broke the surface of the water, Gordon could feel the tug of unconsciousness. _No. I can't pass out._ Unfortunately, his body had other plans.

Gordon vaguely heard Virgil calling his name, but could not bring himself to acknowledge his brother as he was swallowed by darkness.

 **A/N: I understand that the end probably feels a bit rushed, but that is because I feel that the panic Gordon must be feeling would make things seem more rushed (excluding how long it feel that he's been holding his breath). Please let me know what you thought.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I hope you enjoy this chapter. This one's a little short, sorry.**

 **Gordon's POV**

 _Can't breathe. Can't breathe._

"-the, dammit, breathe!" I heard from a distance.

I felt a pressure on my chest. Then I felt myself coughing, and I felt water passing my lips. I felt by body roll over and continue coughing. After what felt like a lifetime, I stopped coughing and drew in a ragged breath.

"Gordon? Open your eyes. Come one, Gordon. Open your eyes," I heard. _Who is that? Are they talking to me?_

"Gordon, please. I need you to open your eyes."

 _Yes, they are_ definitely _talking to me._ I squeezed my eyes closed tighter before cracking them open just a little.

"Thank God! Gordon, can you hear me?" Someone asked. I nodded my head, or at least I think I did.

"Gordon, hey, look at me. Two is on her way home. It won't take long, but I need you to stay awake."

 _Awake? But I'm so tired._

"Did you hear me? Stay awake. _Please._ Open your eyes."

 _My eyes are closed?_

"Gordon, I _need_ you to open your eyes again. You _have_ to stay awake."

 _I'm sorry. I just can't get them to open. I'm too tired._ My mind started to fog, and I could not make out anything else the man said. I could not stay awake any longer and felt myself give in to the welcoming darkness.

 **Virgil's POV**

"Shit! Gordon! Wake up!" I called, shaking my younger brother. Sadly—and frustratingly—I got no reply.

 _At least he's breathing again,_ I thought.

"Tracy Island? Thunderbird Five?" I said over the coms. "He's breathing, but unconscious." Even though I could not see my brothers, I knew that they relaxed just a bit at my words.

"Good. We'll have the infirmary ready when you get here," Scott called back.

"FAB," I said. I returned my attention to Gordon; I checked his pulse—weak, but steady. Once I was satisfied that my brother was no longer dying, I started checking him over for other injuries—nothing more than a small bump on his head.

Within minutes, we reached Tracy Island. As soon as Two was on the ground, I rushed Gordon to the infirmary; Scott and Alan met us there. I hooked Gordon up to a heart monitor and respirator. Once I was sure—yet again—that Gordon was okay, I switched off my "Medic Mode". I breathed out a sigh and sat beside Gordon's bed. Scott moved to stand beside me, his hand resting on my shoulder, and Alan took a seat on the other side of the bed. After a moment, I slumped in my chair and put my head in my hands.

Scott squeezed my shoulder before saying, "You did good, Virgil." I shuddered.

"I couldn't do anything," I whispered. I heard Alan shift in his seat and Scott squeezed my shoulder yet again.

"You did good," Scott repeated. "You might not have been able to help him _in_ the water, but you saved him once he was _out._ You did _good_." I lifted my head slightly, meeting Alan's sad gaze and small smile.

"I guess," I whispered. Scott patted my shoulder, rested his other hand on Gordon's leg for a second, and then quietly walked out of the room.

Alan stood slowly before saying, "You saved Gordon, that's what's important, not that you 'couldn't do anything,'" putting air quotes around the last three words, and then he followed Scott out of the room.

I stayed in the infirmary; I just could not bring myself to leave Gordon's side.

 _I know that this isn't my fault, but I wish that I could've done_ something.

"Wake up soon, little brother," I whispered.

 **A/N: Please let me know what you think. Sorry if the ending feels a little weird.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I hope you all are enjoying this story. I also hope it's making sense; please let me know how you are liking it.**

 **Gordon's POV**

 _Beep…Beep…Beep_

 _What happened?_ I focused for a moment, willing myself to remember.

 _Oh, right. I was drowning, right? Oh, God. Drowning. I was_ drowning.

Suddenly, I could not breathe.

 _Why can't I breathe? Right. Drowning. I'm drowning. I'm_ dying.

"Shhh. Gordon, you're okay. You're home on Tracy Island. You're _safe,_ " I heard from somewhere above me.

 _Safe? Am I safe?_

"Breathe, Gordy, breathe. You're okay."

 _Breathe. Right. I need to breathe. There isn't any water here. I'm_ not _drowning, so I_ need _to breathe._ I managed to draw in a shallow breath then. After two or three minutes—it felt like hours—I was breathe normally again, and I opened my eyes to see Virgil hovering over me.

"Are you with me?" he asked, fear clearly written on his face. I nodded.

"Good," he said.

I hesitated—not trusting my voice—before asking, "What…happened?" Annoyingly, I had to draw in a large breath between the two words. Virgil lifted a small glass of water to my lips and started to explain.

"When Four docked in Two, I rushed down to your 'bird. I drained all the water from the cockpit and you helmet. You weren't breathing." Virgil paused before continuing, his eyes downcast. "I was terrified."

I reached for Virgil's hand and gripped it tightly, trying to reassure him that I was okay.

I released my brother's hand so that I could take another sip of water. This time, though, the water caused me to choke. I started coughing violently, trying to draw in a deep breath. Almost as soon as the coughing fit started, Virgil pulled me into a sitting position and lightly patted my back, and as the coughing fit died away, I could feel him rubbing soothing circles in the center of my back. Eventually, I stopped coughing all together and could breathe evenly.

"Thanks," I whispered, my throat raw and voice raspy. Virgil gave my back one more rub before moving away from the bed.

Virgil was silent for a moment before saying, "If I could, I'd keep you in the infirmary forever, but I can't. Honestly, you should be fine in a couple of days, so if you'd just humor me for that long, please do and stay here until then." I chuckled quietly and nodded, giving him a small smile.

"Good, now rest. I'll be back in a couple of hours to check on you," he said. I nodded again, laid back, and closed my eyes. Although I thought I would not be able to sleep after that coughing fit, my body had other ideas, and I was asleep in under a minute.

 **Third Person's POV**

Gordon did in fact humor his older brother, mostly because Scott threatened to tie him down if he did not follow his orders.

-A few days later-

Gordon was napping on the couch when he heard a squeal. He jumped from his spot on the couch and ran to the doors that lead to the pool area. What he say there eased his racing heart—Scott was making his way out of the pool, and Alan was doubled over in laughter. Gordon opened the doors and walked out to join his brothers, but as he neared the water, his heart began to race once more.

"Hey Gordon," Alan said. "Want to join me in a game of volleyball?"

Gordon nodded and made his way to the storage building by the pool to change into swimming trunks. Once he was changed, he headed for the pool. When he reached it, though, his heart started pounding even harder.

 _What's going on? Am I afraid of the pool?_ He asked himself.

"Come on, Gordon. The others decided to join, too," Alan called.

Gordon stared at the pool for a moment, his heart still pounding.

 _Yes, I am afraid of the pool. I am_ not _getting in the pool,_ he told himself.

"Uh, sorry Alan. My head's starting to hurt. Maybe later," he said. Alan frowned.

"Okay," he said slowly. "Feel better."

Gordon made his way to his bedroom and sprawled out on his mattress.

"I _can't_ be afraid of water," he said quietly. Even as he said that, though, he shivered at the thought of getting in the pool.

Unfortunately for Gordon, Virgil had decided that he needed to check on him, and he reached Gordon's door just in time to hear him whisper to himself.

 _Gordon's afraid of water?_ Virgil asked himself. _It must be because of his accident. I wonder if this fear will last…I really hope not. Gordon without water is just…_ wrong.

Virgil stood outside Gordon's room for a couple of minutes, debating with himself on whether or not he should talk to his brother. Eventually, he decided against it, thinking it would be better to let Gordon try and work his fear out on his own.

 _As long as it doesn't get too bad, I don't think he'll need our help. I'll keep an eye on him anyway—just in case he_ does _need someone to help him,_ Virgil thought, turning from his brother's bedroom and walking towards his own.

 **A/N: I know that the ending is a bit weird, but I'm trying to get better at writing chapter endings. Also, if you think Virgil thinking Gordon needs to handle this problem himself is wrong, that is not what it happening; Virgil just thinks that Gordon** ** _can_** **handle it alone.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I realized while writing this chapter that I use certain phrases quite a bit. Oops. Oh, well. Enjoy!**

 **Third Person POV**

Gordon stayed away from the pool for two weeks—somehow, no rescues required him to get in the water either—before Virgil decided to say something to him.

"Gordon, can I ask you something?" he asked, causing the blonde in question to look up from his book.

"Sure, ask away."

"How long is this going to last?" Virgil asked slowly. Gordon searched his brother's face for a moment. He knew exactly what Virgil was talking about, but he decided it was best to pretend that he did not.

"What? Me reading? I don't know Virg; this is book's pretty good," he said, a crooked smile gracing his face.

At his reply, Virgil set Gordon with a stern glare. Gordon held his brother's eyes for only a moment before his was forced to look away.

"I _really_ don't know, Virgil. I try every day, but just looking at the pool strikes fear in me," he said quietly as he closed his book and set it aside. Virgil was taken aback; Gordon did not open up often, so his sudden proclamation of fear stunned the older man. He moved to sit by the blonde, but as soon as he hit the couch, Gordon stood.

"Sorry Virgil, I don't really want to have this conversation," he said and began walking out of the room, but upon reaching the door, he turned and said, "I can still do my job. I may be afraid, but I'm not incapable."

"I never said you were," Virgil said.

"I know you didn't, but I thought that it was important," Gordon said, turning back around and walking away.

 _Damn, that was not what I wanted to happen,_ Virgil thought. Just then, the alarm sounded. Scott and Alan ran into the main room; Gordon slowly followed the others into the room. John appeared to the four brothers along with an image of a large machine.

"This is one of many machines being used to dig up minerals in the Atlantic Ocean. This particular one is in a bit of trouble. It dug a little too deep, causing the ocean floor to collapse, and now it's currently balancing on the edge of a cliff. Virgil, Gordon, you need to get to that machine and rescue the crew; there are three people on board," John said.

"FAB," they replied together. When the two of them met in the cockpit of Two, Virgil looked at the blonde seriously.

"Are you going to be okay?" he asked.

Gordon fixed his older brother with a glare of his own and replied, "I told you before I'm not incapable." The younger man turned and sat heavily in his seat, strapped himself in, and stared out the front windshield. Virgil only sighed and did the same before launching.

 **-At the rescue-**

"Okay Gordon, we're almost over the mining machine. Get to Four and prepare for deployment," Virgil said. Gordon stood and made his way to his 'bird. As his approached the small submersible, he began to shake.

 _Get it together, Gordon,_ he thought to himself. _These people are more important than your stupid fear._ Gordon grabbed his helmet from its rack near Four. The helmet he had used on his previous mission—the one that nearly killed him—had been replaced, but Gordon could not help but see a crack in the face of the new helmet. He turned to his 'bird and could still see the hole in her hull even though he had repaired it as soon as he had felt able. Gordon felt his breath catch in his throat, and his heart began to race. The longer he stared at Four, the worse he seemed to feel.

"Gordon, we're over the drop zone. Are you ready for deployment?" Virgil called over the radio. Gordon distantly heard his brother's question, but he could not tear his eyes away from the hull of his 'bird. Gordon began to feel dizzy and nauseous, but when Virgil called for him for a second time, he could not answer.

"Gordon? Gordon, answer me," Gordon heard. He tried to answer his brother, but he just could not find the words.

"I'm coming down, Gordon," Virgil called. Gordon continued staring at Four, his dizziness only getting worse. His mind began reliving his near-drowning.

 _I can't breathe,_ he thought. _There's water in my mask. I'm going to drown. Virgil's going to come and get me out of my 'bird, but I'm going to be dead. Dead. I'll be dead, and my brother's going to find me._

Gordon shook himself from the memory, but he was still staring at the non-existent hole. _If I go in the water, I might crash. I might drown._ He could not catch his breath, and he was leaning against the side of Two. Gordon's knees buckled, but before he hit the floor, he felt strong hands grip his arms.

"Gordon, look at me," Virgil said sternly. "You need to breathe. Look-hey, look at me." Gordon's eyes found Virgil's and he found it easier to breathe.

"You're okay, Gordon," Virgil said, smiling. "You're okay." Gordon grasped Virgil's forearm, his hands shaking. Virgil looked Gordon in the eye and reassured him several times that he was, in fact, okay. "You just need to breathe," he said. Gordon took in a slow breath and let it out before releasing his grasp on his brother's arm and standing.

"Thank you," he said quietly.

Virgil nodded and said, "I know you're scared, but those people need help. If you're not up to it, I'll go." Gordon stared blankly at Virgil for a second then shook his head.

"No, this is _my_ job. I told you that I'm not incapable, and I'm going to prove it," he said sternly.

"Gordon, you just had an anxiety attack. Are you sure you can do this?"

Gordon hesitated, but he managed to reply, "Yes, I'm sure. Fear or no fear, this is important." Gordon crawled into Four and put his helmet on before Virgil could protest any further.

Once secured in his seat, Gordon tried to calm himself further. _The water is_ not _going to hurt me. I will_ not _drown. There are people down there that need help, and I can't just sit by and let someone else do my job._ He breathed deeply and continued. _This fear is not important._

"I'm ready for departure," Gordon told his brother.

"Go for it, little brother," Virgil replied.

 **A/N: The rescue will be in the next chapter. Please let me know what you thought.**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: This mission is similar to the one in Ring of Fire, but I hope you like it anyway.**

 **Gordon's POV**

Thunderbird Four glided through the water, its lights cutting through surrounding darkness. I had only been in the water for two minutes before I caught glimpse of the mining machine dangling on the cliff it had made for itself. _This is not going to be easy._

"Virgil, I'm about to attach the mining machine. Stand by to receive the crew," I called over the radio.

"FAB, Gordon. I'm launching my cables now to stabilize the machine," came his reply. Almost immediately, I saw Thunderbird Two's cables shoot past him and heard the distinctive clink of metal against metal. Shortly, I reached a place that I could attach to.

 _Okay, now I have to actually get in the water,_ I thought. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply and closed my eyes. _I can do this. I am not going to drown._ I exhaled and reopened my eyes. I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned backwards. The bottom of Four opened and I quickly found myself surrounded by cold water.

"I can do this," I whispered.

"Yes, you can," Virgil said.

"What?" I asked, confused.

"Your radio was on, and I was only agreeing with you. You can do this. There is _nothing_ to be afraid of," he replied.

I smiled, but then I remembered he could not see me, so I said, "Yeah, you're right." I swam over to the mining machine and found a hatch.

I opened another radio channel and called, "This is International Rescue. If you can hear me, I need you to open the hatch on the east side." I did not have to wait long before the hatch opened. Once inside, I brought up a map of the machine and headed for the bridge, hoping that the whole crew would be in the same place.

I reached the bridge in a little under five minutes and tried to open the metal door, but found it closed tight. So I knocked.

"Are you in there? My name's Gordon, and I'm here to help you," I called.

"We're here, all three of us, but the door is stuck. I think there was a malfunction in the electrical system when the ground collapsed," a woman's voice replied.

"Okay, stand back. I'm going to cut through the door. Once there's an opening, you all can come out," I called.

I started cutting through the door when another voice said, "Please be quick. When the ground collapsed, it also caused a rock to puncture the floor of the bridge. We're almost shoulder deep in water."

I froze.

 _No. No, this_ cannot _be happening._

"Why did you stop cutting?" I heard.

 _Right. These people need help. I can't let them drown. I_ can't _._ I resumed cutting through the door then. Within minutes, the hole was complete. Without warning, the freed piece of metal flew out at me, thrusting me into the wall behind me. The water that was once in the bridge was now flowing over me.

 _Oh, God. No. No no no._

"Gordon," I heard. "Pull yourself together, take a deep breath, and help those people. Your suit is not damaged and you are _not_ going to drown."

 _Virgil's right. I can still breathe; the water is not hurting me. The metal door, however . . . Damn, my head hurts . . ._

I rose to my feet and gestured for the crew to follow me. When we reached the hatch, I handed each of them a rebreather.

"I can only take one of you at a time," I said. The woman who seemed to be the leader of the crew pushed who I assumed was the youngest towards me.

I led the crew member to Four, sent out her dry-tube, then headed back for the others, and repeated the process without a hitch. I detached from the mining machine and headed for the surface.

"Virgil, I'm on my way up," I called.

"FAB. I have the crew, so we're just waiting on you," he replied. I chuckled then turned off my radio. On my way up, I noticed things that I had not on my way down. Things like large schools of fish and a small reef about four meters away.

 _Man, what was I afraid of? This is great,_ I thought. When I reached the surface and was finally docked in Two, I asked to speak to Virgil in private.

"What's up, Gordon?" he asked.

"Thank you, Virgil. What happened last time terrified me, but you were a big help while I was down there," I said quietly. As I finished my statement, my head pounded a couple of times causing me wince to instinctively rub it.

"No problem, but are you alright?" he asked, his Medic Mode kicking in.

"Yeah, my head just hurts. I think I hit it really hard when the door flew out at me," I replied, still rubbing the sore spot. "Don't worry about it."

"I'm worrying about it, but I can withhold from smothering you until we and the miners are home," Virgil said, smiling. "I'm glad that you're not afraid anymore. I really was worried about you. Scotty knew, by the way. I just managed to convince him to not say anything about it." Virgil laughed then turned and headed for the cockpit.

"Wait. Virg, wait! Did the others know?" I called, quickly following him.

"Yes!" he called back.

I caught up with Virgil before he reached the cockpit and asked, "How did you get them to not smother me?"

Virgil chuckled and replied, "I just told them that you could handle it. Mind you, I had to tell them that several times. John almost came down from Five to talk to you face-to-face at one point. Every time that one of them tried to ask you about it, I just told them not to. It was hard for them, but they listened. I figured that you would talk to us when you were ready, but when two weeks had gone by and you didn't seem be getting over it, I decided that it was time to confront you. Then this mission came up, and you had that anxiety attack. I wasn't sure that you'd get the mission done. I shouldn't have doubted you."

"Hm. Well, don't blame you. To be perfectly honest, I didn't think I'd get the job done either, but you helped me. When the water from the bridge started flowing over me, I was scared. Had you not said anything to me, I would not have been able to get the miners out. Thanks again, Virgil," I said.

"Like I said, no problem. Now, let's get the miners home, so we can relax."

"FAB, Virgil," I said, chuckling.

 **A/N: Yes, this was kind of sappy at the end, but whatever. Now, to address the fact that the brothers did not smother Gordon. I feel that if one of the brothers—one that wasn't hurt/sick/upset/etc.—told the others to not bother the hurt/sick/upset brother, then they wouldn't.** **There will be one or two more chapters. Feel free to comment your thoughts.**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: This is just a short and sweet epilogue. Enjoy!**

 **Epilogue**

 **Third Person's POV**

The Tracy family was having a cookout; John had even come down from Five to join the fun. The whole family, plus Kayo and Brains, sat around the large pool talking about various things. After a few hours, Alan stood and stared at Gordon for a few seconds.

"What is it, Alan?" the older blonde asked.

"Will you play volleyball with me, Scott, and Virgil?" Alan asked slowly and quietly.

Gordon stared at Alan with uncertainty before smiling and saying, "Of course I will."

A large smile spread across Alan's face in no time and he took off to the storage shed to grab the volleyball. Scott, who was sitting directly next to the second youngest Tracy, smiled as well as he, too, stood.

"It's good to see you back to normal," he said.

"It's good to _be_ back to normal," Gordon replied, standing as well and stretching. "And just so you know, Alan and I are going to _destroy_ you and Virg."

Virgil laughed as he stood, slapped a hand on Gordon's shoulder, and said, " _Sure_ you are, little bro."

The four boys jumped in the pool and began the friendly game of volleyball; went on for hours until the boys worse themselves out—Gordon and Alan did, in fact, beat the two older Tracy boys.

"That was great," Alan said happily after he had laid out on one of the poolside chairs.

"Yeah it was," Gordon said from the edge of the pool. "I don't know why I was ever afraid. Water is was better than land."

Scott laughed and said, "You are _definitely_ back to normal, Gordon."

 **A/N: I hope you liked this story, and I'm sorry that it took a bit longer to get this chapter out. Let me know what you thought; thanks.**


End file.
